When you get burned a few times it can actually scar you permanently in different ways. I think relationships are great but I’ve never ever invested in one. Why? Hell I don’t even know how to answer that question! I guess in some ways I’ve seen a lot of the negatives of relationships which makes me uncomfortable, I’m not going to go into details because those are kind of personal (aka parents).
As for coming to guys…hmmm. Like all typical girls of course I liked so many guys in school. Who hasn’t ever developed a crush on a guy? Admit it we all have! Of course those were nothing more than silly little things as a kid so nothing to take seriously. As I got older though it would have been nice if some of those potentials went further but they never did, and I wonder sometimes if it’s because I was too damn scared to do anything about it. I struggled with it because how do you ver approach such a subject? Most guys I end up fiends with and that’s it…I didn’t know what to do if I liked them, yeah I might be friends with them; or just…admire them from afar just made things easier. There’s no way I’m going to go up to them and tell them I like them! Shit no way!
It never bothered me much until I was in high school and I really took a liking to this (and a few other guys). Yeah we were mates and things and it was fun but shit I had such a terribly big crush on him, unfortunately I made the bad, bad mistake of telling one of my best friends; whom by the way was no longer my best friend. She and I were friends from ages having come to the same high school which was awesome since we were in the same school before then too. One day though, she outright stopped talking to me completely and I had no idea why? She just completely ignored me and I had no clue. Through a bit of investigating and spying on people I found out that she and this guy were going out. Fuck I was surprised, shocked and really not happy. I just couldn’t believe she never told me about this or that she even liked him either and we were friends too! I felt horribly betrayed by what i found out. Although I was still friends with the guy everything was different but that one really was one of the first times I felt burned.
Second time around was quite a few years later when I was working in 2009-2011. There was this guy yeah he seemed nice, chatty, friendly and pretty flirty too. By the way I can never pick up on anyone flirting or anything of the sorts because I just don’t know. We sort of became friends and chatted for a bit on and off when he came in, sometimes through FB and text messages. After a while things got a bit strange because he started asking me questions I didn’t feel were absolutely necessary to be asked we weren’t that close honestly. Anyway I started putting my foot down with him asking those kind of questions and he got all pissed off about it and gave me the brush off and was being nasty and rude. So I was like fine by an ass-hole. That taught me a lesson not to get won over that easily. You’d think I’d learn from now two not so nice experiences. Apparently not.
I come to now and there’s yet another situation I’ve gotten myself into by falling a bit too hard. Damn it its disappointing I’m even at this point. I started playing Destiny 6months ago now (September) and through playing it I’ve gotten to know a lot of different people that I play with. One guy in particular is the cause of my problems now. Like all situations you usually end up as friends, get talking…et and yeah sometimes things happen. With this one, yeah a lot of different things have occurred the conversations went from being social and fun to a whole different level that I’m not even used to, and what’s made it even worse is through this amount of time I’ve really taken too much of a liking to him and I’m struggling to deal with it. Why, him of all people?!?! Anyway the last several weeks seem like a repeat of my second situation. He’s had his fun, clearly and now just uses me whenever he needs to, be it air grievances, looking for solace…etc…whatever and to me it’s just like he doesn’t really care about how I feel its always all about him. Maybe it’s my fault for not putting my foot down like I had done in the second situation) and just gave him far too much. So now…I’m just left with that lost, confused, disappointed feeling.
*sigh*.
Now I just don’t know what to do. It keeps bothering me and making me upset. So what now??? I have no answer. I really don’t want to feel like this anymore yet I do. How the f*** am I supposed to get on from this? F****
Too attached?!
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